Haters and Fat-o-Phobes

I’m a hater. I’m a bigot. At least that’s what I’ve been recently told. I simply expressed my opinion that marriage and a homosexual union are not the same thing. One would have thought I declared all gays should be thrown into slavery or stoned.

I didn’t bring up Christian views, nor condemn anyone. I stated my opinion – Marriage is between a man and a woman. Anything different…IS DIFFERENT.

But, I don’t want to get bogged down in this issue. I’d rather tell you of another struggle I am facing. Most of you don’t know this…I have OLYMPIC ASPIRATIONS! Yes! I want to be an olympic athlete! My sport- The Hurdles.

After watching this past olympics, I began practicing in my backyard. I’m quite a sight to behold, in my red, white, and blue spandex. Last week, I finally built up the courage to call the American Olympic Committee. Here’s kind of how the conversation went-

“What’s your event?” the man on the phone asked me.


“How long have you been doing them?”

“I just started.”

There was a pause. “And you think you’re good enough for the olympics?”

“Yes sir.”

We discussed times and distances and the such, but then came the sticky point, the point where this man’s prejudice and hatred came out.

“You have to understand,” I continued, “I do the hurdles differently. I don’t jump over them. I run around them.”


“I do a complete circle around each hurdle.”

Dead silence on the phone. Finally, the man spoke. “Bob, is that you? Are you guys down in the mail room pulling my leg again?”

I was crushed. How dare he think I was joking. “Why would I be pulling your leg? I believe the world is ready for a different kind of hurdle.”

The man cleared his throat. “Have you ever tried jumping over them?”

“I’m a tad on the large size,” I answered. The truth be known, I’m so big, I’m applying for my own zip code (old joke). “So, I have received a calling to Run Around the Hurdles!”

“But, that’s not how you do it…”

“Who are you to say?”

“Er…I’m the head of the Olympic Committee.”


“What do you mean, so?”

“You heard me. Who gave you the right to tell me how I should run the hurdles?”

He gave a deep sigh. “Sir. I have to go now. Thank you for your interest.”

My anger, which had been simmering below the surface, now erupted. “You’re a hater!”


“You hate people of large sizes. You, sir, are a Fat-o-Phobe!”

“I assure you, sir, I am not.”

I pressed forward with this reassurance that he wasn’t prejudging me. “So when are the olympic tryouts?”

“I hate to see you waste your time.”

“See,” I snapped. “You used the word, hate! Hater!”

“Goodbye, sir.”

“No, really. When are the tryouts? I’m quite good at what I do.”

“I’m sure you are…”

“I love hurdling….”


“It’s my calling.”

“Sir, what you do is not hurdling.”

“Then what is it?”

He hesitated. “You run around the hurdle…I don’t know what to call that.”

His hate, fear, and bigotry was pouring out in his words. Daring to doubt my calling, denying me my olympic moment.

The man said thank you, and hung up the phone. I think he was just trying to get rid of me so that he and his Fat-O-Phobe friends could have a good laugh at my expense.

My dear readers, Join me! We need to start a protest. We need to attend track and field events around the country, and Run Around Our Hurdles for fat people! Let that be your battle cry! RUN AROUND FOR FAT PEOPLE!  Show America that we are no different than they are. What we do is the same thing! Join me! Help me stamp out hurdle bigotry! Down with the Fat-o-Phobes. Down with backward thinking haters!

If the point of the previous little story isn’t clear, let me make it so- To call someone a hater or a homophobe simply because they disagree with you on the issue of marriage is as moronic as calling someone a Fat-o-Phobe for not letting me “run the hurdles”.

And, as for those who will now classify me as a homophobe or hater, because you can’t see the truth over the tall hurdle, or see the humor in my story, or see that disagreement does not equal hate or fear, GET OVER IT! Frankly, when it comes to marriage, what you say or what I say or what the federal government says doesn’t amount to a hill of beans. What’s important is-What does God say? He’s the One Who created marriage.

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