Interruptions- The Truth About Them

You wouldn’t know it by the attitude I exude, but I like order. The first question I ask my wife in the morning is- “WHAT’S FOR SUPPER?”

I can’t help it. I need to plan my day accordingly. I don’t like surprises. I like to know what I’m doing and when I’m doing it.
What bugs me are the interruptions to my schedule. Can’t people get it through their heads that everyone should be like me? There’s a time to eat, a time to sleep, a time to watch tv, and a time to make phone calls. And the time to call me is definitely NOT when I’m watching tv or eating!

So that’s the way I liked to live my life.
But then something slapped me in the back of my head and made me question the very fabric of my universe. While perusing some of the stories of Jesus I came across the following.
-While walking along, Jesus was interrupted by people bringing kids to Him (Luke 18:15-16).
-He was on the way to Jericho when a blind man interrupted Him (Luke 18:38-43).
-He was in a house, talking to a group, when some people broke through the roof, to lower in a sick friend (Luke 5:19).
I could go on and on with stories of the interruptions that happened to Jesus. It seems like He spent a major part of His time dealing with them.
But wait! Jesus was a pretty important guy. He had a schedule to keep. Yet when the insignificant of life got in the way, He listened and responded.
I realized right then and there, I needed to change the way I looked at the world. Maybe interruptions aren’t mere mosquitos attacking my daily existence. Maybe I should view them as-

The Whipped Cream on the Hot Fudge Sundae of Life. Do you
like whipped cream? I DO!!! As a matter of fact I usually ask for extra. I even steal the whipped cream off my wife’s dessert. I’m evil. But whipped cream isn’t an obstacle, blocking your ice cream. It is a joy in itself, adding that extra oomph to my humdrum existence.
Interruptions should be thought of in this way.

The Rat-a-tat-tat at Your Door.
You’ve heard about opportunity knocking, haven’t you? Sometimes
Christians can be so involved in praying for God’s will in their lives, or for asking God to give them a soul-winners heart, they fail to see the opportunity He gives them in daily interruptions. Listen for the knocking. It may be God dropping a wonderful opportunity in your lap.
So friends, next time someone interrupts your daily existence, rejoice! Go with it. Who knows what God has in mind for you.

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Beware False Swans

If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck . . . It may not be a duck.
My wife and I were driving down a back road in New Hampshire, enjoying the scenery. That’s when we saw it–A swan swimming in a small pond.
“Get a picture, get a picture,” I hollered as I pulled to the curb. Sure enough, the graceful, long-necked bird floated on the water as if it didn’t have a care in the world.
So majestic. So beautiful.
Bushes and trees hampered our line of sight so I moved the car forward and back, angling for the best shots, shouting orders to my wife as she clicked pictures with her phone’s camera.
When all was said and done, we drove away, feeling almost reverent that we’d been privy to such a beautiful scene.
About four days later we ventured down the same road. What were the chances we’d spot our swan again? I didn’t think too good, but low and behold, there it was! What good fortune! Almost a God given miracle!
Three days later we drove by again . . . There it was . . . Still the same spot. As a matter of fact . . . it’s head and neck were angled the same exact way.
Hmmm . . . Something is fishy here.
Uh-huh. My powers of observation are so keen, it only took me three sightings to figure this out. Columbo’s got nothing on me.
Well a couple of weeks later (with three more drive-bys) I came to the conclusion that it was a plastic swan. Or to make myself feel like less of a dolt, let’s call it a Simulated Likeness of an Actual Swan. Hey, the more fancy the term the more money you can charge for the product.
I’d been duped. No. It was probably my wife who’d been duped. Yes! That’s it. Now that I look back, I originally pulled over at her bequest. Kind of like how Eve fooled Adam.
I’m sticking with that story!
So, my friends, beware of plastic swans, or even Simulated Likeness of Actual Swans.
It’s a good lesson in many avenues of life. Even in the spiritual. In Matthew 7:15, the Bible says, “Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves.”
This is a problem the church has had since its inception–Plastic Swans, pretending to be the real thing. Or to be more precise, false prophets pretending to be the real thing, leading people astray.
That’s why John gave some sound advice.
1 John 4:1 “Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits, whether they are of God; because many false prophets have gone out into the world.”
Don’t fall into the trap of pulling to the side of the road and snapping pictures of fakes. Test others’ beliefs by the divine Word of God.

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I’m Having a Heart Attack!

“I’m having a heart attack. Help Me!”

Those words ended it all. Not my life. Just the “discussion”.
I’d taken a part-time, third shift security guard job. This entailed sitting all night, all alone, at the main entry desk to a five story office building, making sure no one broke in.
Frankly, I wasn’t too good at it. I remember one evening a note had been left by building management. “Keep an eye on the parking lot. Someone stole the security camera last night. If you see anything out of the ordinary, please investigate.”

Right. That wasn’t going to happen. Hey, put yourself in my place. Armed only with my questionable good looks, I wasn’t venturing out of the relative safety of the building into a dark and creepy parking lot occupied by who knows what, to investigate something out of the ordinary. Out of the ordinary??? If I see something out of the ordinary, I’ll call the police.

Anyways, back to my heart attack.

It was my very first night on the job. Another guard was there, waiting to train me.
A warning bell rang in my head. The counter he sat behind was lined with literature and pamphlets from a well known cult. You may think that’s an outdated word- Cult. You say, “Who are you to judge someone else’s beliefs? All religions are the same.”
Uh-huh.
After running through some preliminary instructions, the guard (we’ll call him Bob) turned to me. “Jeremiah. What do you think is the solution to all the unrest in the world today?”
I understood what he was doing, using this leading question to initiate a conversation about spiritual things.

Without blinking an eye, I answered, “The only solution to today’s troubles is Jesus Christ.”
His eyebrow rose slightly. “So you believe in Jesus, but did you know…” He then explained where my Christianity had it all wrong, and his way had it right.
Bob’s beliefs were different than mine. Though mentioning Jesus Christ and grace, his definitions were not biblical. They were a “works oriented” way to heaven.
He went on and on, explaining how his leaders had the right interpretation of scripture, and trying to poke holes in my beliefs.
After two hours of arguing back and forth, it dawned on me- Forget arguing theology. Let’s talk where the rubber meets the road.
I leaned against the counter and clutched my chest. “Bob, I’m having a heart attack. Help me! I’ll be dead in three minutes. If I accept your beliefs can you give me assurance I’ll be in heaven when I die?”
After an awkward moment, he shook his head.
“That,” I said, “is the difference between your religion and my Jesus. I have that wonderful assurance.”
He considered. Did what I say sink in? I don’t know. After that night, I never saw Bob again. Don’t get the wrong impression. He didn’t die or anything. He’d simply left the company.

Do you believe all religions are the same? All roads lead to heaven?
I assure you, you are wrong!
Real Christianity is all about God’s grace. Not works. Which would you rather depend on for your eternity? Your good works or God’s love? I’ll hold on to love every time.

I’ll never know if what I said had any effect on Bob, but I’ll give you the same scenario. Maybe it can make a difference in your life.

I’m having a heart attack. In three minutes I’ll be dead. If I accept your beliefs can you give me assurance I’ll be in heaven when I die?”

Think about it. What do you believe? I urge you to consider the wonderful love and grace of our God. He gave His Son, who died on the cross, taking the guilt and punishment for our sin on Himself! It doesn’t depend on my good works, because I ain’t too good. Frankly, neither are you!
Let me quote just one verse for you. Maybe you’ve heard or seen it before, but take a fresh look at the words.
John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.”

God’s love. Not by good works. That’s my blessed assurance.

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Love and the Freeway

God is love.

Almost everyone believes this. The question is, what does it mean? Does it mean  humans can do anything they want, live any way they want, and God is okay with it?

“Hey, He’s love! That means He doesn’t judge. He accepts me just as I am.”

Though it is the title of an old hymn, God does not accept me, “Just as I am.” We are ALL sinners. Though He loves us, He does not love our sin. That’s the reason Jesus sacrificed Himself on the cross. He paid the price for our guilt. THAT’S GOD’S LOVE!

Beyond this, yes, God is love. That’s why He sets boundaries for us. Rules. Right and Wrong. We can’t just live life OUR way and figure He’s fine with it.

Imagine this- A six year old child walks up to his parents and says, “Mother, father. Me and my friends are going to play on the freeway. Since you love me, you won’t stop me.” He gives a longing look out the window towards the four lane superhighway where the cars are zipping by at 80 miles per hour. “I was meant to do this,” he says. “I can feel it in my bones. This is who I am. Others play in their backyards and playgrounds. Not me!”

His father pats him on the head as his mother wipes a tear of pride from her eye.

“Yes, sweetheart,” his dad says. “We understand. Since we love you, we won’t stop you. Go ahead. Do what you feel is right.”

The child skips off, happily.

Ten minutes later, his mutilated body is brought back by his friends.

Mom says, “At least he lived his life the way he felt was right.”

Absurd, isn’t it? If a child wants to play in the freeway, mom and dad say, “NO!” If he persists, they punish him, lock him in his room; anything to stop him from making such a crazy mistake.

Don’t they love him? Yes! That’s why they put restrictions on him. They know better. No matter how much the child thinks he knows, they know better. No matter how right it feels, they know better. They are the adults. Kids don’t have their brains screwed in all the way yet. That’s why God gave them mom and dad.

Guess what? We don’t have our brains screwed in all the way, either. And many people, because of their upbringing, because of their environment, have a warped view of right and wrong. That’s where God comes in. Since he loves us, He sets rules. Not only does he love us, he created us, HE KNOWS BEST!

God loves us. 

Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.”

Please note that one part of the verse- “lean not on your own understanding.” Our understanding is limited, clouded, maybe even warped. You can’t always depend on it. You need God’s guidance.

Yes! God is love. But because He loves, He has told us how to live. If we follow Him, we find ultimate happiness. If we set our own rules, we’re in for a world of hurt.

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Second Chances

Are you angry with anyone? Holding a grudge?

Wow! That’s so human of you. One thing I can say for sure, It’s definitely not divine. That’s the great thing about God. He’s not in the grudge business. He gives second chances. As a matter of fact, He gives third and fourth chances, too! One of my favorite Bible stories is Jonah. If you don’t know it and don’t have a Bible handy for a quick read, let me share the short version.

-God called Jonah to preach repentance to Nineveh, a wicked city. 

-Jonah didn’t want to go, and ran away (by ship). 

-God sent a storm. 

-Jonah got thrown overboard and swallowed by a big fish.

-He repented. 

-The fish spit him out. 

-He preached at Nineveh. 

-They repented of their sin.

-Jonah got mad that God didn’t destroy Nineveh.

-He sat outside the city, and waited for God to change His mind and do the “right” thing (which meant bringing destruction on the city).

Let’s stop right there for a second, because these few lines contain our BIG lesson!

God Gives Second Chances

He gave Jonah a second chance. When Jonah ran away, the storm and fish were God’s call back. What? Being thrown overboard during a storm and swallowed by a fish is a second chance??? Sure! Have you ever considered God disciplines you for your own good; a chance to turn back and repent? God disciplines those He loves. He’s saying, “No, that’s wrong. Turn back to me.”

Also, God gave Nineveh a second chance. He sent Jonah to preach repentance and the people listened.

You know what? God even gave Jonah a third chance. When the silly prophet sat outside the city, waiting for destruction to come, God caused a vine to grow over him, to offer him shade. Jonah liked this. Then God sent a bug to eat the vine, and Jonah was left in the sun, angry.

Here’s what the Bible says happened next.

Jonah 4:9-11. Then God said to Jonah, “Is it right for you to be angry about the plant?”          And he said, “It is right for me to be angry, even to death!”    But the Lord said, “You have had pity on the plant for which you have not labored, nor made it grow, which came up in a night and perished in a night. And should I not pity Nineveh, that great city, in which are more than one hundred and twenty thousand persons who cannot discern between their right hand and their left—and much livestock?”

Boy, Jonah was a whiner! Yet God tried to explain why He gives second and third and fourth chances. To paraphrase what God said-  “I created these people. I love them. These people are lost. Shouldn’t I have pity on them and call them back?”

The Christian’s God does not change. He still offers second chances. Your sin (wrong doing) causes a rift between you and Him. God is always calling you back. He is always willing to forgive.

So, how about it? Is there some sin separating you from God? He is a God of second chances, a God of forgiveness! Turn to Him.

1 John 1:9 “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

 

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Things I Hate! Really! I’m Not Making This Up!

Lots of hate flying around today. Dems and Reps calling each other nasty names. People refusing to go to the inauguration. It all seems a little crazy to me.

I have to admit, during the election cycle, I got swept up in the political war; might have said things that some would consider nasty.

You know what amazes me? I was chastised during that time for my somewhat less than Christian attitude. Yet some of those chastisers are still caught in the battle, making nasty comments and posts. I guess it’s all right for them, because they’re from the other side.
Probably think their rants, putdowns and less than stellar language is all right… maybe even ordained by God.

But wait! This is not meant to be a political post.

Since the term hate and hater are bantered about so much, I thought I’d mention some things I truly hate.

My Hate List

  1. I hate liver! The very thought of it, sitting on my dinner plate makes me quiver! Now that I think about it, my hatred might border more on fear. Imagine a horror movie- THE LIVER THAT ATE NEW YORK CITY! A big blob of liver oozing down the street, sucking up everything it touches.

2. I hate when someone sits right behind me at the movies. IT ALWAYS HAPPENS! My wife and I will take our seats in an almost empty theater. I eyeball the door and check the time. She knows what I’m doing, hoping no one else is coming. It never fails, though. A couple will appear. My reaction-I’ll try to make myself look half crazed (Maybe drool a bit), throw my arms over the backs of the seats, maybe growl, hoping they’ll avoid my area. BUT NO! They choose the seat right behind me . . . I hate that.

3. I hate when a waitress is too talkative. My wife says it’s my fault, I’m too friendly. Maybe I am. But sometimes you get a waitress who won’t shut up. I’ve heard stories of their surgeries (things I never want to hear again), had baby pictures pulled out, childhood memories brought up. I think waitresses should be fitted with shock collars. If they stay in one spot too long, ZAP! They know it’s time to move on.

4. I hate when my socks are pulled too tight around the tops of my toes. They get claustrophobic. Don’t you hate that?

5. Speaking of toes, I hate stubbing my little toe. I’m cringing, thinking about it.

6. I hate the dark. Walking around in it is when I usually stub my little toe.

7. I hate when my wife and I fight over which one of us is right. The answer is obvious, isn’t it?

8. I hate eating wood chips covered in chocolate. . . It’s a long story. Don’t go there.

9. I hate when people pronounce the word HEIGHT as if it ends in a “th” instead of an “ht”! Get with the program people! It’s height as in bite; not height as in . . .  I can’t think of another word that ends in a th that would rhyme well. So just don’t do it. OK?

10. I hate when people call you a hater simply because you disagree with them. That’s one of the main problems in our country today. We seek diversity of opinions as long as it doesn’t diversify too far from . . . NEVER MIND. I don’t want to get caught up in that conversation, because it borders on the political.

Well, that’s it. A list of ten things I hate. How about you? What do you hate?

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Turning the World Upside Down

img_1378
Many people are weeping over this presidential election. “O woe is me! Our world is doomed!”
Okay, so maybe I’ve moaned a tad, myself. But, you gotta understand, my candidate is a very flawed human being?
Will you say that? Frankly, if you won’t, you’re fooling yourself. If you believe your candidate is above reproach, and that the other guy’s candidate is the incarnation of evil, you are living in a fantasy world. You’ve given yourself a “Political Party Lobotomy”, and are walking DownloadedFilearound like a Zombie (with a little drool dripping from the corner of your mouth), saying, “My candidate is wonderful!”

Frankly, what kind of people did you expect would run for office? Our society is down the toilet, we are producing more and more gutter trash, therefore the quality of candidates has plunged to new and as of recently unseen depths.
America has gotten the products of what we have become.

What’s a Christian to do? Listen to what was said of the followers of Christ just a few years after Jesus’ ascension.
“These who have turned the world upside down have come here too.” (Acts 17:6)
The early church made such a difference in their society that they were world changers!
Have you been turning your world upside down for Jesus?
Christians (churches, you, me) must work to transform society. That is not done by legislation. NO! It’s done by living for Christ in such a way that others will want what we have. Then Jesus can transform the individual.
img_1379Jesus said, “You are the light of the world.” (Matt. 5:14)
Frankly, the light in America is kind of low. The church has become too much like the world. It’s almost as if we want to be twin brothers to the trash. Here’s a couple of things to consider.
1. Our Light Shines in the Manner We Choose to Live. Are you living a Godly life, reflecting the Holy Spirit? Does the way you spend your time emulate God or the world?
Imagine if Christians would take to heart the fact that they are representatives of the kingdom of God. Would that change the way they live?
2. Our Light Shines to Attract Others to Jesus. The Christian church has not grown in the United States in a number of years. I don’t want to be a downer, but Christians are failing at evangelism.
Imagine what the change in our society would be if each Christian would bring one person to Jesus in the next four year. That’s all. One. Wow! Would the next election be different. It would help to transform our society.
I always hear people grumbling about the country going down the tubes. But it didn’t get there by itself. We kind of pushed it.
If you are a Christian in name only, stop moaning about a wicked society. It’s time for you to turn to God and ask His forgiveness for your failings, rededicate your life to His task and purpose. God’s given you the answer to all life’s problems. Be a part of the solution. Be a part of the exciting task of turning the world upside down!
Mark 16:15 And He said to them, “Go into all the world and preach the gospel to every creature.”

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It’s All About the Potpourri

image      The other day while I was in a local coffee shop, my friend Henry came running up to me, all excited. “I figured it out!”
“What?” I asked.
He slid into the seat across from me, sipping on some frilly coffee and whipped cream concoction. I personally don’t touch the stuff and can’t tell a frappe from a pile of guacamole.
Wide-eyed, he exclaimed, “All this bathroom fuss.”
“Bathroom fuss?”
“You know! Who uses girls’ and who uses guys’ room.”
I groaned. Frankly, if we went back to using outhouses all of this would be dealt with.
He smiled and sat back. “I wondered why in the world would a guy want to use the ladies’ room?’ The only way to determine the truth was to check it out.”
“Er . . . check it out?”
He nodded. “The ladies’ room. I tried it.”
“What?”
“At the —–”
[For legal reasons and fear of getting my friend in trouble, the store’s name has been omitted. Kind of like, “The names have been changed to protect. . .”]
“You went in the lady’s room at —-?”
“Sure! Hey, I’m not a ‘perv’ or anything. I waited until it was empty, then I crept in.”
He had my attention. “What did you find?”
Henry leaned forward and spoke, almost awestruck. “It’s a whole new world . . . They got potpourri!”
“Potpourri?”
“Right there by the sink. And guess what? The floor around the toilet was clean.”
[For those of the female persuasion, this is a big deal. Some men are . . . target-challenged. And, YES!, it is disgusting.]
I dismissed him with a shake of my head. “I don’t think one bathroom with potpourri –”
“No wait! I did my research.” He pulled out a small notebook and flipped though the pages. “I checked out fifteen bathrooms in all.”
My mouth dropped open.
“I found ten with potpourri, twelve with fancy air freshener, six with actual flowers, and . . . get this!” – he paused for effect. “Four of them had couches and magazines!”
This last revelation actually took me by surprise. “What?”
“Mind you, the magazines were out of date, but at least they had them. We don’t have those things in the guys’ room. The closest is newspaper pages over the urinals.”
“Why do they need couches?”
He shrugged. “For meetings, I guess.”
“Meetings? What kind of meetings?”
“Beats me. I tell you what, I can see why some guys want to use the ladies’ room.”
“Sure, but what about the ladies that want to use the mens’ room.”
He didn’t even hesitate. It was as if he’d already thought about this. “They’re stupid!”
“Henry!”
“They gotta be. Have they ever seen the inside of Guys’ rooms? They got no potpourri. No couches!”
I had to admit he was right.
“So I’ve come to a decision. I’m gonna start using the ladies’ room.”
“You can’t do that.”
“Why not? I’ll become trans-whatever it is.”
“I don’t think it’s that easy.”
“Sure it it. Look at that white lady who told everyone she’s an African-American. Or that other one who says she’s Native American. People fall for that stuff all the time.”
“But you’re not talking the same thing.”
He ignored me and waved a finger in the air. “I got it! I could be trans-alien! You know, say that on the inside I feel like I’m from Mars.”image
Hmmm. This idea intrigued me. “You certainly act like you’re from another planet.”
“Thank you!” His face brightened. “Do you think I could get my own private alien bathroom.”
“I don’t know if–”
“I’d only accept it if it had potpourri.” With a sly smile, he gave a nod. “All the bathrooms on Mars have potpourri.”
“Henry, my friend. The way things are today, I’m sure some people will protest on your behalf . . . Some politicians will fight for your rights to have a trans-alien bathroom.”
Henry straightened up. He had a far away look on his face, a confident smile on his lips. “Trans-alien. Yes! Potpourri here I come.”





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Spiritual Amnesia- The Deadly Sickness

Recently, I’ve been chastised for some of my Facebook posts. Knowing I want to publish books, a friend’s advice was meant to stop me from sounding too angry. I wouldn’t want to alienate future readers, now would I?

Creepers! It’s sooooooo difficult. There are so many things to react to. So many people who need to be straightened out. On top of that, anyone who doesn’t agree with the flavor of the day is labeled a hater! I could tell you a thing or two . . .

Whoops. I was doing it again, wasn’t I?

th-2

But, please let me explain why I do the things I do. It isn’t hate.

If it helps you to not think of me as being angry or bitter, think about rainbows and unicorns while reading this. Here’s some pictures to help.

thHere’s my main concern-

We’ve developed Spiritual Amnesia.

It’s like one evening the vast majority of Americans went to bed and something happened. An evil fairy clonked them all on the head or they fell out of bed, cracking that part of their brain that stores their God-memories. Now when making life decisions, it’s all- “What I want is what I want!” or “I have a right!” People don’t care what God says anymore. His opinion doesn’t seem to matter.

Oh no! Spiritual Amnesia has kicked in.

There’s stories of this happening in the Bible. One is about King Josiah. Some Temple remodeling going on, and they found these scrolls– the Word of God– which had been lost.

How in the world do you lose the Word of God? I don’t know, but somehow, they managed. Somehow, we’ve managed.

On reading the scrolls, the first thing King Josiah did was rip his clothing. This was a sign of repentance. He realized he and the nation had turned from the Lord. Spiritual Amnesia. After rediscovering God, King Josiah led a reformation.

How about you? In the issues cropping up in our society, how do you decide what is right and what is wrong? Do you seek God’s way or your own?

We need to get over our spiritual amnesia. There is a God! He is not make believe like the Easter Bunny; not the product of man’s mind that we can change whenever we want.

He is God, the creator of all that is. God, whose Son died for your sins on the Cross. God who is being very patient with us, but that patience will not last forever.

Like amnesia victims, hopefully, one day people who’ve forgotten God will wake up and say, “Hold on! I remember!”

Meanwhile, those who do not suffer from this malady must stand for God’s way even if they are called haters or some other foolish term.

Let me tell you, I pray for friends and family members who are living outside the will of the Lord, who have spiritual amnesia. It’s not hate. It is a deep loving concern.

I hope the unicorn and rainbow helped. But I suggest the following verses may help more than silly pictures.

2 Timothy 3:12-15 Yes, and all who desire to live godly in Christ Jesus will suffer persecution. But evil men and impostors will grow worse and worse, deceiving and being deceived. But you must continue in the things which you have learned and been assured of, knowing from whom you have learned them, and that from childhood you have known the Holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus.

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Which Heaven are You Going to?

Sad, sad news. My wife and I are going to different heavens. At least different areastom-cheney-two-doors-at-the-gates-of-heaven-loved-the-stooges-and-hated-the-stooge-new-yorker-cartoon of heaven. If heaven were a skyscraper, I’d be up in the penthouse (where I belong of course) and she’d be . . . Somewhere else.

How did I come to this conclusion?

It all started a couple of days ago, as we were eating our supper. Meatloaf by the way. I wonder if they’ll be meatloaf in heaven?

I hope it won’t be a vegan place. Blech! That would not be heaven! Unless the carrots are made out of chuck roast or hot dogs. Yum! That would be both good and interesting.

Anyways, I put some background music on. It was a southern gospel station. Wonderful old hymns, sung by full voiced men, with deep blends of harmony.

“Isn’t this good stuff?” I said to my wife.

Her response. “Hmmm.” She stuffed some butternut squash in her mouth.

Butternut squash. Double Blech! I’m telling you, heaven better have Big Macs.

“What’s the matter?”

“The music is okay,” she said. “I just prefer more modern music.”

I was appalled. I dropped my fork into a pile of gravy to show how appalled I was. It splashed on my shirt. “More modern? But sweetheart. Listen to the way the voices harmonize.”

“Hmmm.”

Again with the hmmm. What was wrong with her?

“What’s wrong with you?” I figures I’d ask. Here’s some sound advice for young husbands. Wives always like their husbands to point out their flaws. Helps them to improve.

She sighed. “Nothing’s wrong with me. I just like more contemporary Christian music.”

“Like those praise songs with all their la-la-las and drums.”

She rolled her eyes. My wife is a champion eye roller. I think she studied it in school. “They don’t all have la-la-las. And what’s wrong with drums?”

“You probably like the volume up at earsplitting volume, too!”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

I peered deep into her eyes. “Who are you? I don’t know you any more.”

“Eat your meatloaf.”

After a couple minutes of silent meatloaf chomping, I stated. “You know, there aren’t any drums in heaven. It gives Moses a headache.”

She smirked. “There are drums in my heaven.”

I was aghast. So I put on my most aghast face. “Well, I guess we’re not going to the same heaven then.”

“I guess not.” She resumed eating her squash.

“My heaven has carrots made out of steak.”

“Eat your meatloaf.”

So that’s my story. She’s going to the heaven with music blaring so loud you can hardly make out the words, I’m going to heaven where Peter, Paul, and I will sing four part harmony. I always figured Paul to be a tenor. Peter a baritone. Me? I’m a bass. Now we only need to find one more singer. Any ideas?

PRODUCT ALERT Jeremiah Peters does not in any way believe there are multiple heavens. That’s just plain stupid. This post is just a bit of fun and silliness. Entrance into Heaven does not depend on what type of music you like, but on Jesus Christ, and your believing that he died for your sins. 

It is sad though, in a world filled with so much sin and misery, that many in the church of Jesus Christ expend so much energy arguing over music choices.

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