It’s happened! Someone has said something so stupid, so out of touch with reality, that it shocked me into silence. But now I have regained my voice!
It all started when I shared with this particular person my family’s tradition of cutting down our Christmas tree. I gotta tell you, I have no qualms about having a real tree. Trees can be replenished; replanted. . . but I don’t want to get into that right now.
Let’s dwell instead on the reply I received to tradition–
“I don’t believe in murdering innocent trees.” That’s what the person told me. Then the speaker of these words of wisdom gave me a knowing smile that said, “A-hah! I’ve silenced you with my profound wisdom; You Tree Murderer!”
Truth be known, she silenced me, not with her words of wisdom, but with her profound silliness.
The only way I get through conversations with a person like this is to envision a squirrel in their head, running around in one of those wheels; telling them what to say. A really nutty squirrel at that. Try using this technique. It’s a lot of fun. Makes the conversation almost tolerable.
Since the time I was accused of being a murderer, I’ve come up with a few replies. See what you think.
1. The trees I cut down aren’t innocent trees. They’re condemned to death row for acts of aggression against humankind. ie- They’ve thrown themselves in front of skiers, or crashed into unsuspecting cars during wind storms. I am merely serving as executioner.
2. I only cut down those trees who’ve chosen to die. They suffer from some dread disease, and I am assisting them in their suicide; their passage to the forest in the great beyond. Death with Dignity!
3. I’m rescuing these trees from the cold, bleakness of winter. I bring them into my home; give them a place of honor in my living room; adorn them with ornaments! Hey! It’s better than having birds and chipmunks pooping in their branches.
4. Don’t judge me! I am Pro-Choice! The right to cut or not to cut. It’s my Christmas. Don’t you dare tell me what to do with it.
As I was thinking of these witty comebacks (at least I think they’re witty), a terrible thought came to mind. . . Maybe I’m looking at this the wrong way. Is it possible, in some sick way, I enjoy cutting down these noble pines? Is it possible that it’s not about Christmas at all?
Am I a Serial Chopper? Do I lust after the smell of fresh sap oozing from an open wound; to see my fallen victim, lying before me? O woe is me! I long to run through the forest; the Jack the Ripper of the woods; axe swinging carelessly, defoliating the entire planet for my perverse pleasure. Is this possible????
Nope. I don’t think so. I’m sticking with my original conclusion– The answer the person gave me was one of the silliest comments ever made.
Merry Christmas. Save a tree! Hang lights on the Politically Kookie instead.
I believe everyone that wants to have a live Christmas tree in their home should have one! Many families have a tradition that begins when the kids are little. The whole family heads to the woods or a tree farm and selects , chops, and hauls their tree home. Our decision to have an artificial tree was initially based on the fact that we have a mobile home where, unfortunately, the danger of fire was a realization we had to consider. But, over the years, we came to realize that the tree we selected had become “our tree!” It, and its decorations, many hand made, is as much a part of our celebration as the stockings that are hung each year. So chop if you will. I’ll just stick with the same tree that’s delighted our family for many years. Merry Christmas!
It’s all good to me as long as you don’t call me a murderer
Great blog! How quickly we fight to save the trees yet are willing to
murder the unborn child. Trees can be replenished…..
Great point, Reg. Thanks for the comment.