Fun With Snow

I surrender! I give in to the great white fluff, pressing on my brain. Last night, as I gazed from my window at the snowy white landscape, which looked more like an image of the moon than my front yard, I feverishly worked to create things to do with the snow. Not normal things. Oh no. We need fun things . . . Wild things . . . Things that bubble the brain and excite the imagination! Things that match my snow madness.

Here are my top three.

1. THE MYSTERIOUS SNOWMAN   Sneak over to your neighbor’s front door at two o’clock in the morning, and build a snowman. Make sure it’s so close to his door, he can’t get out without running into it. Make it as ominous looking as you can. Perhaps place a sign in its hands which reads, “The End is Near” or “Have You Hugged a Snowman Today?” or “We’re Watching You”. Then ring the bell and run! If you have a neighbor who’s been bugging you in some way (loud music, a dirty yard, etc.), it’s even more fun.

2. THE DISNEY DANCE        Reenact “Let it Go” from Frozen. Put on a gown and dance around your yard, while you build a giant ice castle. With a fist raised to the sky, scream out, “The cold never bothered me, anyway.” I did this and surprisingly the neighbor called the police. FYI- It was the same neighbor who’d found a mysterious snowman on their porch at 2 AM. Will wonders never cease.

3. THE AMAZING, GIANT DOG (with a bladder problem)    Get a fifty gallon jug of yellow food coloring. Where can you find this? I’m not sure. Probably one of the big box stores. Once you’ve acquired the goods, you have two options. Either soak your neighbor’s yard or soak your own yard with the stuff. If you choose your neighbor, it will be revenge for him calling the police on you, simply because he’s not a fan of Disney songs. If you soak your own, you can call the police yourself. When they show up, you should have this amazed, mortified, the-martians-are-landing kind of look on your face, as you proclaim, “You should have seen the size of the beast that left this.”

That’s all I have. If you think of more creative uses for snow, let me know.

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