A Message to Haters and Fat-o-Phobes

Posted on July 31, 2014 by jpeters_admin
211815-Royalty-Free-RF-Clipart-Illustration-Of-A-3d-Blanco-Man-Knocking-Down-HurdlesIt happened again. I was called a hater simply because I said marriage and a homosexual union are not the same thing. You’d have thought I declared war on all gays, saying they should be thrown into prison or enslaved.
I stated my opinion – Marriage is between a man and a woman. Anything different…IS DIFFERENT.
Hey, let’s not get bogged down on that. I’m facing another struggle.
Most of you don’t know this . . . I have OLYMPIC ASPIRATIONS! Yes! I want to run the Hurdles. TADAH! I’ve been practicing.
I’m quite a sight to behold, in my red, white, and blue Spandex.
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I finally built up the courage to make a phone call to the American Olympic Committee. Here’s how the conversation went-
“I want to be in the Olympics.”
“What’s your event?” the man asked me.
“Hurdles.”
“How long have you been doing them?”
“I just started.”
There was a long pause. “And you think you’re good enough for the olympics?”
“Yes sir.” My voice was brimming with confidence.
We discussed times and distances. He seemed impressed.
“You have to understand,” I continued, “I do the hurdles differently. I don’t jump over them. I run around them.”
“Pardon?” Here’s where this man’s prejudice and hatred began showing.
“I trot around each hurdle before moving on to the next one.”
There was silence. So much so, that I began to wonder if the man had actually dropped dead. Finally, he spoke. “Bob, is that you? Are you guys down in the mail room pulling my leg again?”
My mouth fell open. How dare he think I was joking. “Sir, why would I be pulling your leg?”
The man cleared his throat. “Have you ever tried jumping over the hurdles?”
“Why in the world would I do that?”
“Because . . .that’s how you do it. . .”
The hair on the back of my neck stood on edge. I glanced down at my oversized stomach. “I’m a tad weight challenged. Hopping over those hurdles isn’t an option. Maybe with a step stool . . . Besides, who are you to tell me what to do?”
“Er…I’m the head of the Olympic Committee.”
“And that gives you the right to tell me how I should run the hurdles?”
He gave such a deep sigh, I swear I felt a breeze come though the phone. “Sir. I have to go now. Thank you for your interest.”
My neck throbbed. My face reddened. “You, my good man, are a hater!”
“Pardon?”
“You hate people of large sizes. You, sir, are a Fat-o-Phobe!”
“I assure you, I am not.”
“Well that’s better.” I took a breath and calmed myself. “So when are the olympic tryouts?”
Another sigh. “I hate to see you waste your time.”
“See,” I snapped. “You used the word, hate! Hater! Hater! Hater!”
“Goodbye, sir.”
“No, really. When are the tryouts? I’m quite good at what I do. I love hurdling….”
“Uh-huh . . . But what you do isn’t hurdling.”
“Then what is it?”
He hesitated. “You run around them. . . I don’t know what to call that.” His hate, fear, and bigotry poured out in his every word. Daring to doubt my calling, denying me my olympic moment.
He said thank you, and hung up the phone. Probably heading off with his Fat-O-Phobe friends to have a good laugh at my expense.
So now I call on you, my friends! Join my protest! Attend Track and Field events around the country, and run around the hurdles for fat people! Let that be your battle cry!
RUN AROUND FOR FAT PEOPLE!  
Show America that we’re no different than they are. What we do is the same thing! We simply do it differently. Help stamp out hurdle bigotry! Down with the Fat-o-Phobes. Down with backward thinking haters!
My message should be clear enough- To call someone a hater or a homophobe simply because they disagree with you on the issue of marriage is as moronic as calling someone a Fat-o-Phobe for not letting them “Run Around the Hurdles”.

If you can’t see this truth, or the fact that disagreement does not equal hate or fear, GET OVER IT!
Frankly, when it comes to marriage, what you say or what I say or what the federal government says doesn’t amount to a hill of beans. What’s important is-

What does God say? He’s the One Who created marriage.
This is a replay of a two year old post. Hey. Give me a break. It’s summer. Besides, the message needed to be heard again, by certain individuals. Have you had the experience of being called a hater? Leave a comment. Tell me about it.

 

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Am I My Brother’s Keeper?

Posted on July 22, 2014 by jpeters_admin

I need your help.
Am I my brother’s keeper? Cain asked God this, while hiding his dead brother’s body.
Today, this question comes home to roost. Look at America’s southern border. Look at the people at the entrances to Mall parking lots, seeking a hand out.
Am I my brother’s keeper?
Jesus answered a similar question, “Who is my neighbor?”
By allowing illegal aliens to cross our borders, are Americans helping the poor? I don’t want to get into the politics of that issue. It’s just, we Christians- Is that all we’re required to do? What about the Gospel? Which is more important, a full stomach or salvation?
On top of this, do all those people truly need our help? Being a pastor, I’ve seen scores of phoney-baloneys at my front door, with their hands out. What do I do?
And I believe the church has become jaded, cynical on this issue. Recently, I asked a group of Christians a question- What percent of the “beggars” outside of Malls are con men?
Without hesitation someone answered, “98%”
Then someone else chimed in, “99%”.
Wow!
What about you? Do you roll down the window and hand over some cash?
I don’t know. Maybe we’re using our suspicion of other’s intents as an excuse to cling to our money.
So I’m asking, being our brother’s keeper, how far do we go? Can I give to a stranger, or am I just being conned?
Talk to me. I’d love to hear you’re opinion.

Luke 10:25-37
And behold, a certain lawyer stood up and tested Him, saying, “Teacher, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?”
He said to him, “What is written in the law? What is your reading of it?”
So he answered and said, “ ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind,’ and ‘your neighbor as yourself.’”
And He said to him, “You have answered rightly; do this and you will live.”
But he, wanting to justify himself, said to Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?”
Then Jesus answered and said: “A certain man went down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and fell among thieves, who stripped him of his clothing, wounded him, and departed, leaving him half dead. Now by chance a certain priest came down that road. And when he saw him, he passed by on the other side. Likewise a Levite, when he arrived at the place, came and looked, and passed by on the other side. But a certain Samaritan, as he journeyed, came where he was. And when he saw him, he had compassion. So he went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine; and he set him on his own animal, brought him to an inn, and took care of him. On the next day, when he departed, he took out two denarii, gave them to the innkeeper, and said to him, ‘Take care of him; and whatever more you spend, when I come again, I will repay you.’ So which of these three do you think was neighbor to him who fell among the thieves?”
And he said, “He who showed mercy on him.”
Then Jesus said to him, “Go and do likewise.”

 

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The Care and Feeding of A Squirrel. . .NOT!!!

Posted on July 15, 2014 by jpeters_admin

Photo on 2014-07-15 at 14.16I want to destroy a squirrel. You heard me. Destruction to the bushy tailed varmint!

Why such open hatred? A gang of them are ruining my life, pushing me off the deep end, sending me to the looney bin! Let me ask you, have you ever seen a gang of squirrels? Yes, I said gang, like in a street gang, seeking to destroy civilization and graffiti the world with their evil intent. . .  I have.

One day, I was stepping out of my car, and heard this odd noise. A gang of squirrels were swaggering by, arranged in a V formation. Not scurrying, but swaggering, their claws clacking against the ground. The leader, who looked like he should have been wearing a leather jacket and playing a part in West Side Story, gave me a What-do-you-think-you’re-looking-at? kind of glare.

Fearing I’d find the squirrel equivalent of a horses head in my bed, I kept my distance. 

But now, they’ve gone too far. They’re holding my bird feeders hostage. Don’t tell me how to squirrel-proof them. I’ve tried! It won’t work. They’re smart. They’re devious.

The breaking point. . . My humming bird feeder. It doesn’t even have bird seed in in. It’s sugar water. We hang it way up high so the gang can’t get to it. The other morning, the leader was perched on the rail of my deck. He was up on his back legs. One tiny paw was tipping the feeder so the water was shooting out of the opening, like a water bubbler (Water fountain for those of you who don’t understand New Englandese). The fool rat had his mouth open and was filling himself with my sugar water. That’s all I needed, a squirrel hyped up on sugar. PETA will probably be after me for contributing to squirrel diabetes or something.

The crowning touch. He brought his cousin, the chipmunk, who was hanging upside down on my bird feeder gorging himself on sunflower seeds. The squirrel turned his head and gave me the look- What-do-you-think-you’re-looking-at?

That’s it! I burst out onto the deck. The varmints scurried off into my yard, leaving two empty feeders, a pile of seeds on the ground below. From about fifty feet away they look back and, I swear, . . . they laugh at me.

I point a shaking finger. “You’re dead. More than that, I want to torture you. Destroy you!!!!!!”

. . .My neighbors think I’m crazy.

So please, my friends. If anyone knows an inhumane way to treat a squirrel, I’d love to hear it. They’re making me lose my mind! I lay awake at night, hatching evil plans!  Help me!

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Have it God’s Way!

Posted on July 12, 2014 by jpeters_admin

cartoon-burger-pictures-13706-hd-wallpapersBurger King went off the deep end. They came out with a gay pride whopper. The wrapper of the Pride whopper said- “We are all the same inside.” I kid you not. Watch the You-tube commercial, which shows the un-informed and brain dead uttering things like, “It’s about time.” and “I feel so loved.”

Isn’t that just ducky. Let’s all hold hands and dance around the campfire, singing “We are the world!”

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I thought it was an odd message for a burger joint that declares, “Have it your way.” Whoppers are NOT the same on the inside. Hold the pickles, hold the lettuce, etc. Every burger is supposedly unique. But, I understand what they’re trying to do; jump on the gay pride band wagon, try to bring in the cash.

And, you know what? Technically they’re right. We’re all the same on the inside, made up of blood and guts (a fantastic medical description of human beings.)

But, let’s look at the truth. Let’s put God in the picture.

Yes, we are all the same on the inside. We’re all sinners. Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. . .”

But the choices we make about our sinning brings an inner difference.

The Christian chooses to trust Jesus for forgiveness, thereby becoming a new Creation.  2 Corinthians 5:17 “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.”

The non-Christian seeks something else. They do it their way. Maybe doing good deeds to gain God’s favor. Maybe ignoring their sinfulness. Maybe shaking a fist at Heaven an saying, “Leave me alone!”

So, we are NO LONGER the same on the inside. One person still lives in their sin. The other has found forgiveness.

Another place where the burger message is wrong is this. The next step for the Christian (After salvation) is obedience to God. A Christian believes the Bible is God’s written word, which tells us how we should live AND how we should not live. There is no, “I have my rights.” There is no,”I know best.”

Does this mean a Christian is perfect because they follow God’s book? Hahahahahahahaha. Sorry. That was a funny one. Man oh man, I am farrrrrrr from perfect. I sin. I don’t always follow the book. I make mistakes. I mess up. Sometimes I do it unknowingly. Sometimes, like a spoiled child, I want my own way. But, when I come to my senses, I turn to a God who forgives me.

Some people live their lives, fighting for freedom from God’s rule, demanding they know what is best.

Burger King. You had it right/You had it wrong. Stay in the burger business and stop trying to make political statements.

We are all the same on the inside. . .Sinners, but it’s what we do about our sin that makes the difference.

The question each person must ask- Do you want to have it your way, or God’s way?

Posted in Bible Tidbits | 2 Comments

Lessons I’ve Learned

Posted on July 3, 2014 by jpeters_admin

image Wow! My book’s showing up everywhere! A MESSAGE TO DELIVER published June 3rd- One month ago. Here are some things I’ve learned since then. These aren’t mind shattering lessons. As a matter of fact, most of my author friends will read this and say, “Yuh? No Duh!”

HAVE A PLAN
How am I going to promote this book? What’s my marketing plan? In May, I went to the Blue Ridge Mountain Christian Writer’s Conference to hone my craft. In a marketing class the instructor shared these very helpful facts- What to do one year before you publish your book. . . What to do 8 months before you publish . . .5 months . . .3 months . . .     You get the picture. I raised my hand. “What do I do two weeks before publishing?”
Oh boy. My plan was to write a book, sell 5,000,000,000,000 copies, and buy an island off the coast of Maine. Not a good plan. Though I may be a little behind schedule, it’s never too late to plan, never too late to learn. Have a marketing plan, my friend.

HAVE ANSWERS
Wow! I’ve run into several people who’ve actually read my book. They all have questions. How long did it take you to write this? Where did you come up with the idea? Can I borrow ten bucks? Hey. I know I’m far far far from famous. But to some people, I’m a step up in the book publishing biz. I have to have answers, and sound like I know what I’m talking about.

HAVE SOME PRIDE
My wife and I went into a local pro-life organization to give them a free copy of my book, and to talk about an upcoming launch party where I’ll be distributing pro-life literature. A portion of my profits goes to these groups.

The woman in charge approached me. “Is there something I can do for you?”

I stood like a junior high kid, who’s struggling to ask the prettiest girl in the school on a date. “Gee, golly…I …er…”
Thankfully, my wife pushed me forward. “Yes. There is something he’d like to talk to you about,” she said.
Don’t get me wrong. I think my book is good. It’s getting good reviews. But its so . . .weird, promoting yourself. I guess my best advice for me and others- GET OVER IT! If you spent hours and hours creating something, take some pride in it.

Well, that’s it. Just sharing some of the many things I’ve learned. Again, thanks to those who’ve gone on Amazon and purchased A MESSAGE TO DELIVER. If you haven’t done so, I invite you to go for it! And please remember to review it on Amazon. That is sooooo important. Thanks again.

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Playing Hide and Seek with God

Posted on June 23, 2014 by jpeters_admin

Can you play hide and seek with God?

I mean, how could you hide from Him? One of the Big Bible “Omni’s” is God is Omniscient- All Knowing. Yet, in Genesis 3:9, God asked Adam and Eve, “Where are you?” Huh? Can’t He find them?
Actually, I think He wants them to ask themselves that question, to look around and see where they are at that moment.

Let’s look at the background. The story can be divided into two sections:
1. Before the Fall- BF – THE NAKED AND FROLICKING TIME
BF, the happy couple walked in the garden with God. They knew nothing about guilt, shame, sin. . .Nothing. As a matter of fact, Genesis 2:25 says, “And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.”
You may say, “The human body is beautiful and nothing to be ashamed of.” I agree. So, let’s make a pact. Tomorrow, we’ll all go to work or school . . . naked. No way!
Another amazing thing about BF, God walked with them in the garden. I know, I know. God walks with you. We have songs that proclaim it. “And He walks with me and He talks with me . . .” etc. This was different. This happy couple frolicked like innocent children in the presence of God. Have you ever seen a two year old, parading around the house after a bath; naked and unashamed? That was Adam and Eve.
But then the Fall comes.
2. Let’s talk AF (After the Fall). THE HIDING TIME
Genesis 3:7-8 “Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked; . . .And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden.”
“Where are you?” God asked.
Hiding from the presence of God. Ashamed and naked. The consequence of sin.

You know what? We hide from the presence of God, because of our sin, hoping He won’t see us Spiritually naked. We want the benefits of God without walking with Him. It doesn’t work that way. Jesus met the woman at the well. Before He’d give her what she requested, he asked her to go get her husband, knowing she was living in an adulterous relationship. Woman, where are you? Peter, after he’d denied Jesus, is confronted by the risen Savior, asking if he loved Him? Peter, where are you?

God wants to walk with you. In order for this to happen, He asks that question- Where are you? If you are walking away from God, there’s good news. You can turn back to Him. You can change where you are and experience new blessings!

2 Corinthians 5:17. “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.”
Do a Spiritual self-examination.    Where Are You?

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A Tribute to the Best Mom

Posted on May 11, 2014 by jpeters_admin

A tribute to the best mother I know. With apologies to my own mom, who was a wonderful lady, I must give this award to my wife, Jodie. Let me tell you about her. What makes her a terrific mom isn’t the fact that she raised six children. Though, the fact she did this without going insane (At least I don’t think she’s insane), speak volumes.

For any young moms out there, let me give you some words of wisdom; advice about raising children I’ve gathered from watching Mrs. Jodie Peters. By no means do these few words encompass all there is to motherhood. Nor do they state all my wife has done in that regards. Just a few tidbits.

1. LOVE YOUR CHILDREN  I hear so many young moms today disparaging motherhood. If that’s the way you’re going to be, I’ve got news for you, sweetheart– DON’T HAVE KIDS! At least, don’t go around trash-talking them, or talking like they’ve ruined your life. Have any of you heard moms do this? You’d think motherhood was akin to being sent to the Roman coliseum!

My wife loves being a mom. We had six kids and guess what? Here’s the only proof I have that she may be a tiny bit crazy– She wanted more! She loves her children. She loved raising them. She loved teaching them, nurturing them, being with them.

It goes without saying, but I guess it shouldn’t– My wife was an example of Jesus Christ before my children. That is the ultimate act of love. My wife’s love for our children blossomed in a willing sacrifice of her time and talents for them.

2. LET YOUR CHILDREN BE CHILDREN     Jodie made this choice. It isn’t as easy as it sounds. There’s a ton of pressure out there to allow your children do things far beyond their young, immature abilities to handle.

Guess what? Children don’t belong in R rated movies. They don’t belong in PG-13 movies. Hey, Stupid Parents! The warning is there for a reason! Also, children don’t need access to every TV show, as if that is going to help them socialize and grow up to be mature adults.

When my kiddos were younger, there were some people (the ignorant) who mockingly referred to my family as the Brady Bunch, because my wife loved our kids enough to let them enjoy their childhood innocence. God bless her for realizing something– That’s part of being a mother. Children are not mini adults. They are children!

3. THE PROOF IS IN THE PUDDING. . .or is it “the proof is in the putting”? I never understood that saying anyways. Recently, I was out with a Pastor friend of mine. We were talking about families and the pastorate. He made the comment to me (and I paraphrase), “Jerry, you did something right. You’ve got great kids.”

Can I let you in on a little secret- Pastor’s kids are notorious for not being the best behaved. They are the inmates of the Parsonage; current monsters and future axe murderers. OK. I’m, exaggerating a bit. But I bet you all know some awful PK’s.

I have six great kids, ages 21 to somewhere in their 30’s. (Leave me alone. I’m lucky if I can remember how old I am). I’m proud of them all. Some of them are a little thick headed. Some of them have some growing up to do. Some of them have made some wrong decisions. They aren’t angels, nor are they the Brady Bunch. They are good kids, hard workers, and respected by all who know them.

And that, my friends, is the results of having the most wonderful mom in the world. 

Okay. That’s it. Like I said, it’s not the complete dossier on Motherhood, just some things I’ve noticed over the years.

And to my wife I say, Thank you, Jodie. I love you. 

Proverbs 31:28-31 Her children rise up and call her blessed; Her husband also, and he praises her: “Many daughters have done well, But you excel them all.” Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands, And let her own works praise her in the gates.

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It’s Easter! What Are You Doing?

Posted on April 19, 2014 by jpeters_admin

images“So what are you doing for Easter?” That’s the question the teller at the bank’s drive-up window asked me. I’ve noticed their asking more personal questions. I think it’s part of their, We’re your friendly neighborhood bank campaign. It’s annoying.

“Well, I’ll start the day with church,” I answered. “Then we have family coming over for dinner. What about you? What will you be doing for Easter?”

She sighed. “I won’t be going to church. I’m stuck with the cooking.” Maybe she was feeling guilty, with me mentioning church, but she reached into her dress collar and pulled out a gold chain with a cross hanging from it. “Don’t get me wrong. I’m a Christian. See? She held the cross up. It’s just with my family, I have to cook.”

“Why don’t you bring them all to church?”

She snickered.

“Tell them you want to go to a restaurant instead.”

She laughed. “You don’t know my family.”

It was no good. She wasn’t going it change her mind. On Easter, Resurrection Sunday, she would spend the morning in the kitchen, cooking. I don’t want it be judgmental. People are busy. I know. I know there’s a whole lot who think church is irrelevant, but I have to wonder.

We used to make light of the “C AND E” Christians; those individuals who came to church on Christmas and Easter only. They felt that attending these two Sundays somehow fulfilled an obligation to their god. Now, many can’t even make it to church on those two Sundays.

Before I go on, let me voice my fear. Christians who read my blog are going to shout, “You tell them, Jeremiah. Give it to those ungodly heathen.” But that’s not my intent. Honest. I don’t mean to point an accusing finger, nor should any Christian. Many of the “saints” who sit in the pews every week are far from saintly.

For those who call themselves Christian, and yet for one reason or another won’t be attending worship this Sunday (Saturday if you’d like), let me share my point.

 

1 Corinthians 15. 3-4 “For I delivered to you first of all that which I also received: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, and that He was buried, and that He rose again the third day according to the Scriptures.”

Cooking can wait. Sleeping can wait. If you haven’t stepped foot in the church for years, because you have a problem with the pastor or one of the members, put it aside.

JESUS ROSE FROM THE GRAVE! HE DIED FOR YOU. HE ROSE TO SAY, “IT’S ALL TRUE. BELIEVE IN ME.” This is such mind-numbing, life-changing news, the world should grind to a halt on Sunday. In wonder and amazement we should flock to God’s church to say, “Thank you, Lord.”

Don’t just wear your faith like a gold cross around your neck. If you really believe that Jesus died for your sins, that the grave could not hold him, go celebrate!

So what are you doing for Easter?

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The Christian and Hoarding

Posted on April 2, 2014 by jpeters_admin

sindrome-da-accumulo-disposofobiaEver watch that television show about hoarding? It features people who keep all their ancient Time magazines, because some day they may need that article about McGovern running for president; individuals who stuff their homes with everything from cats to comic books. Walls of junk create tunnels they crawl through, in order to get from room to room.

Hoarding has ruined these people’s lives. The clutter in their homes makes it impossible for them to live like normal human beings.

Know what? Christians can be hoarders, too. Not physical hoarding, but spiritual; emotional. Piles of junk we store in our hearts and heads make living for Christ difficult.

One thing you might hoard is UNFORGIVENESS. Like boxes of old mail, we can keep grudges and regrets stacked up in our hearts, blocking our path to God until it finally crashes in on us.

Two Main Types of Unforgiveness.

1. Unforgiveness of Self. “Regrets. I’ve had a few. . . ” When I look back at my past, there are things I wish I never did; terrible memories that clog my life. Should I mention some? NO! When I recall them, they start crashing down on me. Like piles of newspapers, stained with cat urine, they suffocate my spiritual walk.

Pretty gross, huh? 

But seriously, I’ve known people who can’t forgive themselves for past mistakes. The devil likes to remind you of your failings? But, Jesus doesn’t want you beating yourself up. He’s forgiven you. Remember what Paul called himself? The chief of sinners! God forgave him!

Question. If you can’t forgive yourself, are you limiting Christ’s atoning power, saying there’s something He can’t forgive? Just wondering.

2. Unforgiveness of Others. All of us do it. Hey. We’re so wonderful, so perfect that when others sin against us, we have the right to hold a grudge. NOT!  Jesus said, “forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.” It ain’t easy, is it? We have a pride issue. Is it possible we’ve stacked old lamps, toasters, and other small electrical appliances so high, we can’t see our own sin on the other side. Some day we’re going to fix up those old things. Maybe sell them at a yard sale. Make millions! But until then, we ignore them, allow them to block our view.

Hoarding unforgiveness is deadly. It blocks our view of God’s grace and mercy, both for ourselves and others. If He’s forgiven us, who are we not to forgive ourselves? AND Who are we to hold a grudge against someone else?

So how do we stop hoarding? Can we call a team of experts to clean out our junk?  (“NONONO! Not the Superman comics!”) Get on a national television show and claim our fifteen minutes of fame?

How about we go to the real expert on forgiveness? God. Here are some steps.

—Recognize that He offers forgiveness, no matter how terrible we are. 1 John 1:9  “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

—Remember He wants you to forgive others. Luke 6:37 “Judge not, and you shall not be judged. Condemn not, and you shall not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.” Is there someone you need to forgive?

—Reach out to the Lord for help and guidance when you fail to live His way. Wow! I’m saying you’re going to fail. I am, too. But thankfully God is there to forgive.

I know, I know. It’s like a three point sermon, all the points beginning with the letter R. I have boxes of them stored in my attic, waiting for the right moment. . .

Maybe it’s time for a clean sweep. Gotta stop this hoarding.

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Death and Bigfoot

Posted on March 13, 2014 by jpeters_admin

bigfoot“Sweetheart, you have to stop saying that to the children. They don’t know you’re kidding.”

Once again, my wife and I were having a disagreement. I don’t understand it. I make a very rational request of my kids and she gets all upset. So what is the latest trial and trouble of Jeremiah? I simply told my kiddos that when I die, they’re to steal my body and throw it way back in the woods. Then in a couple of years, go “discover” it and say, “We found Bigfoot.”

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Hey! I’m doing my part to live up to the “Bigfoot” thing. I have this homemade contraption. I tie it to my toes, lay on the floor, and swing the rope up to a pulley on the ceiling. Being attached to a five pound weight, it stretches my feet. I’m aiming for size 20’s. That should do it.

Anyways, my wife has this fear that my children will be riddled with guilt, when my “after-death” request isn’t honored. Now I ask you, am I expecting too much from my children? It’s a request that any red-blooded American whose afraid to be buried alive might make.

Let me stress, I am not afraid to die. I’m simply afraid of being mostly dead, but not quite there yet. What? You say I’m crazy? But, we’ve all heard the horror stories of people being buried alive. As a matter of fact, a friend of mine just told me of her deceased cousin up in Vermont. For some reason or other they had to exhume the body. Guess what? The inside of the casket was all clawed up. THEY”D BURIED HER ALIVE!!!! BWAHAHAHA!

At least I’m ready for death. There are those who avoid the subject like the plague. What do they think? They’ll live forever?

Hebrews 9:27 And as it is appointed for men to die once, but after this the judgment.  You can’t avoid the human body giving out. You could try freezing yourself, taking vitamins, exercising every day, repeating the Jedi Life chant (if you don’t know it, make one up), or singing the theme song to FAME (I’m Gonna Live Forever!). None of it helps. You are going to die!

The more important issue is, what happens then? Thankfully, God in His wonderful grace, makes it so we don’t have to be afraid.

John 3:16 For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.

Some people think they’re prepared for the afterlife, because they’ve lived a good or moral life, gone to church, got baptized, took in a homeless guinea pig. None of these deal with the main issue. We are sinners. Sinners cannot stand in God’s presence.

Thankfully, God dealt with the issue. He gave His Son; the perfect sacrifice for our sins. According to John 3:16 we must believe in Him!

So, if you’re like me, then you’ve gotta get someone to steal your body and toss it in the woods. Or build a mausoleum. Or make sure they bury you with a cell phone that gets reeeeeeeally good reception for that emergency, “Help! Dig me up” call.

But remember, even if you can’t prepare for being mostly dead, you can be ready for when that final day happens, thanks to God’s love! Have you given thought to the afterlife? Don’t put it off.

Posted in Bible Tidbits | 4 Comments